Four Reasons Why Modern Motherhood Is So Hard
Motherhood has never been without its challenges, but modern motherhood comes with its own unique set of hurdles. While previous generations often had the support of extended family and a more defined societal structure, today’s mothers are navigating a vastly different landscape. Here are four key reasons why modern motherhood feels harder than ever and some simple antidotes to help lighten the load.
1. The Double Burden: Work and Home
Under patriarchal systems of the past, women were often expected to focus solely on raising children and managing the household. While limiting in many ways, this singular focus meant that there was clarity in roles. Today, due to late-stage capitalism and rising living costs, most households require two incomes to stay afloat. This shift has placed an immense burden on mothers who are expected to excel in their careers while also taking on the lion’s share of domestic responsibilities. The result? Exhaustion, burnout, and a perpetual sense of falling short.
2. The Isolation of the Nuclear Family
The transition from extended family living to nuclear family structures has left many mothers without a built-in support network. Traditionally, grandmothers, aunts, and other family members played an active role in child-rearing and household management. In modern society, mothers often live far from their extended families, leaving them to shoulder the burden alone. Without the "village" that once supported thriving families, many mothers feel isolated and overwhelmed.
3. Unrealistic Expectations and the "Perfect Mother" Myth
Social media has created a new standard for motherhood that’s unattainable for most. From curated Instagram feeds showcasing spotless homes and elaborate lunchboxes to Pinterest-perfect birthday parties, the pressure to be the "perfect mother" is relentless. These unrealistic expectations not only fuel feelings of inadequacy but also take mothers away from the joys of simply being present with their children.
4. The Loss of Community and Collective Wisdom
Historically, women passed down wisdom about motherhood, menstruation, and life transitions through shared experiences and mentorship. Modern mothers often lack access to this collective knowledge, leaving them to navigate complex challenges alone. Coupled with a society that emphasizes individualism, many mothers feel disconnected and unsupported during one of life’s most demanding seasons.
We also no longer live in reciprocal communities where resources, time, and support were freely shared. The current currency is money, which means that if you can and need to, paying for support services is not only practical but vital for your well-being. This might include hiring a house cleaner, lawn mowing service, babysitter, or using daycare. Investing in these services can free up some time and energy.
Simple Antidotes to Modern Motherhood Challenges
While the challenges of modern motherhood are significant, there are ways to reclaim respite:
Simplify Expectations: Release the need to "do it all." Delegate tasks, let go of perfectionism, and focus on what truly matters to you and your family.
Build Your Village: Create your own support network. This could be through mothers' groups, close friendships, or leaning on your family for help. Paid supports included! Remember, asking for support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Reconnect with Your Values: Identify what’s important to you as a mother and make intentional choices aligned with those values. This might mean saying no to activities or commitments that don’t serve your family’s well-being.
Prioritise Rest and Self-Care: I know its not as simple as just finding time for self care when your a mum - but you really can’t pour from an empty cup. Carve out time for yourself to rest and recharge. This could be as simple as having a cuppa in the sunshine, watering your plants, taking a few deep breaths before bed. Small moments matter.
Learn and Share Wisdom: Seek out mentors, join circles or workshops, and pass along your own insights to other mothers. Together, we can rebuild a culture of shared knowledge and support.
Thriving Through Connection
Modern motherhood is undoubtedly challenging, but you don’t have to face it alone. By prioritizing connection, self-care, and realistic expectations, you can create a more fulfilling and sustainable experience for yourself and your family.
If you’re ready to take the next step, consider booking a counselling session to explore tailored strategies for your unique situation. At Bloom Holistic Counselling, I specialise in helping mothers like you navigate the complexities of parenthood with compassion and confidence.